i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
