yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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