This is not my ceiling
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
