Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
