i already hear my dad disowning me
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
