your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
