Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
