doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
