I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
