she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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