I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
