she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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