My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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