she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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