just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
