they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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