Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
