I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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