So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Come see our sink grown plant.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
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