well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
