She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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