I think I died a long time ago.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Randomize
