i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
