you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
