Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
