The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
