Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
