you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
