I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
