How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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