That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
