Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
