how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
