I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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