And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
