so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
