Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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