i just google imaged poop.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Randomize
