Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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