The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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