so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
