Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
