I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
