If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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