My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
