i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
