If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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