In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
