screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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