You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
